Uggh...Nice Watch.

UGGH...NICE WATCH HAS MOVED!

2009-03-04T20:44:00.002-05:00

DEAR GOOGLE: FUCK YOU FOR DELETING MY "TOP 25 SINGLES OF 2008" POST WITHOUT EVEN GIVING ME A WARNING. SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS AT THE RIAA

2009-02-17T19:56:00.004-05:00

THE 25 BEST ALBUMS OF 2008

2009-01-22T13:58:00.016-05:00

The rest of the download links will be up tonight...

#1: Young Jeezy
The Recession
(CTE/Def Jam)
download

#2: T.I.
Paper Trail
(Grand Hustle/Atlantic)
download

#3: Lil Wayne
Tha Carter 3
(Cash Money/Universal)
download

#4: 50 Cent
Sincerely Yours, Southside
(ThisIs50.com & Whoo Kid Mixtape)
download

#5: Hot Chip
Made In The Dark
(EMI)
download

#6: Shawty Lo
Units In The City
(D4L/Asylum)
download

#7: Snoop Dogg
Ego Trippin'
(Doggystyle/Geffen)
download

#8: Santogold
Santogold
(Downtown)
download

#9: T-Pain
Thr33 Rings
(Nappy Boy/Konvict/Jive)
download

#10: Day 26
Day 26
(Bad Boy/Atlantic)
download

#11: Plies
Da REAList
(Slip-N-Slide/Atlantic)
download
(TIE) Plies
Definition of Real
(Slip-N-Slide/Atlantic)
download

#12: Lil Boosie
Da Beginning
(Mixtape)
download

#13: Kid Cudi
A Kid Named Cudi
(Plain Pat & Emile Mixtape)
download

#14: Webbie
Savage Life 2
(Trill Entertainment/Asylum)
download

#15: The Knux
Remind Me In 3 Days...
(Interscope)
download

#16: Rich Boy
Bigger Than The Mayor
(Mixtape)
download

#17: G-Unit
Elephant In The Sand
(ThisIs50.com & Whoo Kid Mixtape)
download

#18: Soulja Boy
iSouljaBoyTellem
(Stacks On Deck/Collipark/Interscope)
download

#19: Killer Mike
I Pledge Allegience To The Grind II
(Grind Time/SMC)
download

#20: Young Dro
I Am Legend
(DJ Scream & MLK Mixtape)
download

#21: Jamie Foxx
Intuition
(J Records)
download

#22: Mariah Carey
E=MC2
(Island Def Jam)
download

#23: Young Jeezy
The Prime Minister
(DJ Infamous Mixtape)
download

#24: San Quinn
From A Boy To A Man
(Done Deal Ent.)
download

#25: Ne-Yo
The Year Of The Gentleman
(Def Jam)
download

...COMING SOON: 2008'S TOP 25 SINGLES...

R.I.P. TIM RUSSERT

2008-06-13T15:54:00.002-04:00

Sunday mornings will never be the same!

ASYLUM RECORDS: TWO-FER-TWO

2008-02-24T16:14:00.008-05:00

The first two great albums of the new year.

Webbie Savage Life 2
Trill Ent./Asylum
[d/l]

Shawty Lo Units In The City
D4L Records/Asylum
[d/l]

Damn, it seems the homie Todd Moscowitz might know what he's doing...Less than two months into 2008, Asylum is delivering not one but two praise-worthy albums this Tuesday.

It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Trill E-N-T, but I've always been kind of indifferent about Young Webster. There was a lot I liked about Savage Life Uno, but the fact that so much of it was rehashed from the Gangsta Musik album kinda left me wondering if Webbie might be the Craig Mack of the crew. In his defense, playing Pippen to Boosie's effortless 23 of the Trill would probably marginalize most rappers. But somewhere along the way, while listen to "Independent," it occurred to me that, wait, Webbie is actually kind of a good rapper ("The stilettos, the J's, depend on how the weather look/Flip flop slippers just to show off the pedicure"). The album confirms my suspicions that Trill is truly the new Cash Money. As if Mouse's trippy, Mannie-Fresh influenced bounce tracks weren't enough, the Chubby Boy himself gets in on the party with 3 tracks (including the standout "Ya'll Ain't Makin' No Money"). This album bangs from top to bottom. Another worthy addition to Trill's rock solid catalog.

Unless you count the mediocre USDA album, last year was pretty dead in terms of that old fashioned Atlanta dope boy rap. Now, in a remarkable strike of beginners luck, Shawty Lo pops out a cohesive album full of irreseistably catchy anthems of the d-boy persuasian. It's a bit of a compilation of the best of his mixtapes, but if you don't know L-O outside of D4L and "Dey Know," you will be pleasantly surprised by the lack of filler on here. His too-cool melodic swagger is similar to Jeezy's, but he proves almost more adept than the Snowman when it comes to light-hearted, quirky club sing-alongs filled with 808s and sparse lo-fi insturmentation. "Dey Know," "Dunn, Dunn," "Foolish," "Let's Get It," "That's Shawty LO" and "Got Em 4 The L-O" are nearly flawless in their simplicity. He even gets introspective on the autobiographical "Feels Good To Be Here" and the strangely emo, Linkin Park-esque "Live My Life." For someone who wrote his first song in 2005, Lo seems preternaturally sure of his style, sound and identity compared to most of his more seasoned peers. Twinkle-twinkle...he's a stizz-ar!

HEY: REMEMBER 2007? (PART II)

2008-01-17T20:44:00.000-05:00

Excuse the delay...

Uggh...Nice Watch Presents
The Top 25 Songs Of 2007

1. Kanye West "Can't Tell Me Nothing" (Produced by DJ Toomp + Kanye West)

2. Foxx f/ Boosie & Webbie "Wipe Me Down (Remix)" (Produced by Mouse)

3. 50 Cent "I Get Money" (Produced by Apex)

4. DJ Khaled f/ T.I., Rick Ross, Akon, Fat Joe, Birdman & Lil Wayne "We Takin' Over" (Produced by Danjahandz)

5. Playaz Circle f/ Lil Wayne "Duffle Bag Boy" (Produced by M-16)

6. R. Kelly f/ T.I. "I'ma Flirt" (Produced by Lil Ronny)

7. Kanye West f/ T-Pain "The Good Life" (Produced by Kanye + DJ Toomp)

8. Huey "Pop, Lock & Drop It" (Produced by The Bakery)

9. Collie Buddz "Come Around" (Produced by Crown N Kah So-Real)

10. M.I.A. "Paper Planes" (Produced by Diplo & Switch)

11. Lloyd f/ Lil Wayne "You" (Produced by Big Reese)

12. Soulja Boy "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" (Produced by Soulja Boy)

13. Lil Wayne "Prostitute" (Produced by Maestro)

14. Shawty Lo "Dey Know" (Produced by Balis)

15. Keyshia Cole f/ Too $hort "Didn't I Tell You" (Produced by The Runners)

16. Alicia Keys "No One" (Produced by Krucial Keys & Dirty Harry)

17. Tiffany Evans f/ Ciara "Promise Ring" (Produced by Mr. Collipark)

18. Swizz Beatz f/ Lil Wayne, R. Kelly & Jadakiss "It's Me Bitches" (Remix) (Produced by Swizz Beatz)

19. Snoop Dogg "Sexual Eruption" (Produced by Shawty Redd)

20. Birdman f/ Lil Wayne "Championship Pop Bottles" (Produced by Steve Morales)

21. T-Pain f/ Yung Joc "Buy You A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" (Produced by T-Pain)

22. Trey Songz "Wonder Woman" (Produced by Danjahandz)

23. Statik Selektah f/ Big Shug "Punch Out" (Produced by Statik Selektah)

24. Young Buck f/ Young Jeezy "Pocket Full of Paper" (Produced by DJ Toomp)

25. Hurricane Chris "A Bay Bay" (Produced by Phunk Dawg)

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Best Rapper: Lil' Wayne
Best Producer: Kanye West
Best Female Rapper: Diamond
Best Unsigned Rapper/Producer: Juliano
Best Song That Samples A Commercial: Board Bangers "Cause The Beat's Hot"
Best Album Outtake: T.I. f/ Ciara "Goodbye My Love" (Cut from T.I. Vs. T.I.P.)
Best Song By A Fugazi Jay-Z (a.k.a. The Sacario Award): NOE f/ Jim Jones "Headlights"
Best Song That Was Ruined By Mixing: Yung Joc f/ Gorilla Zoe "Bottle Poppin'"
Best Trance-Rap Song: Wes Fif f/ B.O.B. "Haterz Everywhere"
Best Juke-Rap Song: Twista "Pimp Like Me"
Best Sade-Rap Song: Pastor Troy "Will He Come Home Tonight"
Best Prince-Rap Song: Shawty Redd f/ Big Kuntry, Pastor Troy & Daz "What's Da Deal Boo"
Best Lil' Wayne Song That Doesn't Actually Feature Lil' Wayne: Triple C's "Pill Poppin'"

Top 5 R+B Verses on Hip-Hop Remixes (No Ne-Yo):
1. R. Kelly on Fat Joe's "Make It Rain (Remix)"
2. T-Pain on DJ Unk's "2 Step (Remix)"
3. R. Kelly on Swizz Beatz's "It's Me Bitches (Remix)"
4. T-Pain on Huey's "Pop, Lock + Drop It"
5. R. Kelly on DJ Khaled's "We Takin' Over"

Top 5 Young Jeezy Songs Of 2007 (Post-Inspiration):
1. USDA "Corporate Thuggin'"
2. Slick Pulla + Young Jeezy "CTE To The Death"
3. Gorilla Zoe f/ Young Jeezy "Hood Nigga (Remix)"
4. Young Jeezy "Black Bandana"
5. DJ Drama f/ USDA "Show U What It Is"

Top 5 Tony Yayo Verses:
1. LL Cool J "Queens"
2. G-Unit "Coke Life"
3. 50 Cent "Touch The Sky"
4. G-Unit "Feel Good"
5. G-Unit "Southside"

Top 10 Carter 3 Outtakes:
1. "Prostitute"
2. "La La"
3. "I Feel Like Dying"
4. "Gossip"
5. "Comfortable" f/ Babyface
6. "I'm Me"
7. "Need Some Quiet"
8. "Zoo" f/ Mack Maine
9. "Kiss Me Baby"
10. "When They Come For Me"

Top 5 New York Rap Songs (No Hova Division):
1. 50 Cent "I Get Money"
2. Swizz Beatz "Top Down"
3. Styles P "U Ain't Ready"
4. DOE "Bottom To The Top"
5. Uncle Murda "Bullet Bullet"

Top 5 Southern California Rap Songs:
1. The Fixxers "Can U Werk Wit That"
2. Terrace Martin f/ Snoop & Problem "Ridin'"
3. Dogg Pound "They Don't Want It"
4. Down a.k.a. Kilo "Lean Like A Cholo"
5. Hot Dollar "Streetz On Lock"

10 Dope Singles For Albums That Had Their Release Dates Pushed Back To Neveruary:
1. Three 6 Mafia f/ Chamillionaire "Doe Boy Fresh"
->Missing Album: First 2 Walk
2. Mistah F.A.B. "Ghost Ride It"
->Missing Album: Da Yellow Bus Rydah
3. Brisco f/ Lil Wayne "In The Hood"
->Missing Album: Street Medicine
4. Lil Keke f/ Birdman "I'm A G"
->Missing Album: Loved By Few, Hated By Many
5. Rhymefest f/ Lil Jon "Angry Black Man On An Elevator"
->Missing Album: El Che
6. Slim Thug "Wood Grain Wheel"
->Missing Album: Boss Of All Bosses
7. Eve f/ Sean Paul "Give It To You"
->Missing Album: Here I Am
8. Stat Quo "Here We Go"
->Missing Album: Statlanta
9. Murphy Lee f/ Young Dro "Hatin'"
->Missing Album: U C Me
10. Saigon "Don't Cha Baby"
->Missing Album: The Greatest Story Never Told

HEY: REMEMBER 2007? (PART I)

2008-01-03T00:19:00.000-05:00

Clearly no one cares. I'm going in anyway. And late!

Uggh...Nice Watch Presents
The Top 25 Albums of 2007

1. Kanye West Graduation

2. Plies The Real Testament

3. Amy Winehouse Back In Black

4. Jay-Z American Gangster

5. R. Kelly Double Up

6. Lil Wayne Drought 3

7. Turf Talk West Coast Vaccine (The Cure)

8. The-Dream Love/Hate

9. UGK Underground Kingz

10. Soulja Boy Souljaboytellem.com

11. Rich Boy Rich Boy

12. Wiz Khalifa Prince of the City 2

13. M.I.A. Kala

14. Black Milk Popular Demand

15. Lloyd Street Love

16. Trill Entertainment Presents Survival Of The Trillest

17. Blu & Exile Below The Heavens

18. Birdman 5 * Stunna

19. Kia Shine Due Season

20. Trey Songz Trey Day

21. Scarface Made

22. Little Brother Getback

23. Tum Tum Eat Or Get Ate

24. Devin The Dude Waiting To Inhale

25. Baby Boy Da Prince Across The Water

Honorable Mentions:
Best DJ Album: Statik Selektah Spell My Name Right
Best EP: Cashis County Hound
Best Parody Album: Weezy Jefferson I Am On Everything
Best Album By Someone In Middle School: Keke Palmer So Uncool
Best Album Nearly Ruined By Coldplay: Swizz Beatz One Man Band Man
Best Album By An Artist I Had Completely Written Off: El-P I'll Sleep When You're Dead
Best Reissue: The Diplomats Diplomatic Immunity as Disney Channel Hits
Best White Rap Album: Lil Wyte The One And Only
Best Album By A Rapper I Never Thought I'd Like: DJ Envy & Red Café The Co-Op
Best Album That Was Better The First 2 Times He Made It: Ghostface Big Doe Rehab
Best Album I Sincerely Like In Theory But Always Fall Asleep Listening To (A.K.A. The Be Award): Prodigy Return Of The Mac

Top 10 Most Disappointing Albums:

1. T.I. T.I. Vs. T.I.P.
2. Wu-Tang Clan 8 Diagrams
3. Wyclef Carnival II: Memoirs Of An Immigrant
4. 50 Cent Curtis
5. Cam'Ron Public Enemy #1
6. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Strength & Loyalty
7. T-Pain Epiphany
8. DJ Khaled We The Best
9. Chris Brown Exclusive
10. Drama Gangsta Grillz: The Album

Coming Tomorrow: The Top 25 Singles Of 2007 (+ Bonus Tracks)

THE KING

2007-12-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

Chad Butler, 1973-2007

Rest in peace to the trillest of all time.

VHS PIMPIN'

2007-11-28T19:10:00.001-05:00

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction
by Snoop-Dogg

Snoop Dogg "Sensual Seduction"
from Ego Trippin' (2008)

This is easily the best thing Snoop has done since "Drop It Like It's Hot"

COMIN' OUT HARD

2007-11-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

Lil Quinn f/ Divine Joy "Children R The Future"
[ZEE-SHARE]
San Quinn Presents The Color Of Money (2007)

GAWN & CHECK EM OUT

2007-11-25T15:25:00.000-05:00

Da Volunteers f/ V-Squad "Ballin' In My J's" (2007)
ZEE-SHARE

WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS 6 MONTHS AGO?

2007-09-28T17:02:00.002-04:00

Boyz N Da Hood "We Ridin'"
from Back Up In The Chevy (2007)

You'd think that the first thing a group named "Boyz N Da Hood" would do to get their buzz back up would be to do a high-energy, low budget hood video on youtube, but they've kind of been taking this entire project ass backwards. After the disasterous "Everybody Know Me" failed and Gorilla Zoe completely eclipsed their project, it's good that they went back to the basics. However, I fear it might be too late to salvage this album.

SIDENOTE: This joint actually makes me kind of like Jody and Big Gee! (That's a first, especially for Jody)

YET ANOTHER REASON WHY SOULJA BOY IS A GENIUS

2007-09-28T15:15:00.000-04:00

Soulja Boy Tell 'Em White Sunglasses & White-Out Pen Set
Price: $19.99
Available exclusively at souljaboystore.com
(or for $3.99 at Duane Reade)

HIPSTERS MAKE AN ACTUAL GOOD RAP SONG

2007-09-28T14:37:00.000-04:00

The Cool Kids "Black Mags"
from The Bake Sale (2007)

BEST. SONG. EVER.

2007-09-20T01:59:00.000-04:00

Keke Palmer "Keep It Movin'"
from So UnCool (2007)

REST IN PEACE

2007-09-18T13:24:00.000-04:00

KEYSH!

2007-09-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

Keyshia Cole f/ Too $hort "Didn't I Tell You"
(Produced by The Runners)
[zshare]

Keyshia Cole "Fallin' Out"
(Produced by Soulshock)
[zshare]

The new Keyshia album Just Like You leaked...Overall, I had high expectations, so it's pretty underwhelming, but these two joints are early favorites.

STOP SLEEPING ON PLIES

2007-09-07T14:59:00.000-04:00

Plies "100 Years"
from The Real Testament (2007)

"How in the fuck can four birds get you a life sentence?
But give a cracker seven years for money laundering millions?
Shoot a nigga in the leg, they sentence you like you killed him
Cracker catch you with that iron and throw you under the buildin'
You a nigga, that mean you guilty 'til proven innocent
Money talk and bullshit walk a thousand miles
You ain't got a paid lawyer, then don't go to trial
Crackers owe each other favors, they'll swap ya out
'You give us him, we'll give you him,' know what I'm talkin' 'bout?
Nigga took thirty years on a cop out
Fuck you get 30 years for breakin' in a bitch house?
Crackers playin' a dirty game, boy this shit wild"

Please stop complaining about Southern rappers being stupid and not talking about anything of consequence. Plies made a really solid, thoughtful album and no one above the Mason Dixon seems to give a shit.

Milk Money.

2007-08-29T13:54:00.000-04:00

I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes

2007-08-27T02:45:00.000-04:00

...and take your money

M.I.A. "Paper Planes" (Produced by Diplo & Switch)
[zshare laaank]
from Kala (2007)

bonus:

The Clash "Straight To Hell"
zshare!
from Combat Rock (1982)

Buckle Up, Bitches!

2007-08-19T01:57:00.000-04:00

Bow Wow & Omarion "Designated Driver"
(Produced by Jim Jonsin)
[zsharing is caring]
from Face Off (coming soon)

Totally expected to hate everything related to this project, but I can't lie...this one's a smash!

T.I. should be ashamed of himself for being upstaged by two recovering teeny-boppers on the same sample as "Help is Coming"...unless he wrote Bow Weezy's verses (doubt it...Shad Moss is clearly trying to channel Wayne these days).

Speaking of Mr. Under-21-With-A-Black-Card, it looks like he might actually keep it sober:

"Bow Wow joined Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and Nationwide Mutual Insurance Company (Nationwide) at Sam Houston High School to encourage students to stay safe and sober during their prom festivities. During the prom weekends of 2005, 290 teenagers aged 15-20 were killed in alcohol related crashes. In light of the high death toll, MADD, has been making stops at several schools to promote safety. Bow Wow spoke on his struggle to abstain from underage drinking and drug use as a celebrity and performs singles from his album The Price of Fame." [source]

What a nice young man!

So Good Cats Ask For It By Name

2007-08-01T16:58:00.000-04:00

Board Bangers "Cause The Beat's Hot"
[Listen or Download]
from The World Ain't Ready For This (2007)

This song > Lupe Fiasco's entire catalog

THE FIXXERS: ONE-HIT-WONDERS NO MORE

2007-08-01T13:57:00.000-04:00

The Fixxers f/ Rich Boy "So Good"
[Listen or Download]
from Midnite Life, coming soon.

I didn't think that they'd be able to follow up "Can U Werk Wit That" with something equally strong, but this one's a HIT! I wonder if AMG produced this one himself too...anyone know?

JOC + ZOE = 2007 TONE LOC & YOUNG MC

2007-07-18T14:34:00.000-04:00

Block'd After Dark

Yung Joc f/ Gorilla Zoe "Bottle Poppin'" (Produced by Don P)
[listen or download]
from Hustlenomics, coming soon.

Let me preface this by saying that "Bottle Poppin'" is one of my favorite records of 2007, hands down. Their bizarre Block-Thugs-N-Harmony sing-rap routine is really like nothing I have ever heard before. Also, who knew Don P from Trillville actually had beats like that? I need to hear this shit at a club asap.

But seriously, aside from the obvious comparisons (Zoe's deep, gravelly voice actually sounds like Tone Loc), these two really are the modern version of Delicious Vinyl's pop-rap tag team. Just as Young MC and Tone Loc provided a hook-heavy, radio-friendly alternative to late ’80s gangsta rap, the Block Boys have perfected an accessible, sing-songy version of modern-day "trap rap".

BONUS CUT:
Al Fatz f/ Yung Joc & Gorilla Zoe "Came Down (Remix)" (2007)
[listen or download]

He Don't Need No Hook For This Shit!

2007-07-11T18:04:00.000-04:00

The Dream "Shawty Is Da Shit" (2007)
[Listen or Download]
from his upcoming debut on RadioKilla/Def Jam

So it looks like Terius "The Dream" Nash, the dude who wrote "Umbrella" (and married Nivea), is about to step into the spotlight with this one. Half Akon and half "I'm A Flirt"...you can't deny that it's a hit. Count it!

WE DON'T SUPERMAN NO MO

2007-07-11T17:45:00.000-04:00

We just Spiderman that hoe.

Shout-out to Maurice for the heads up on this one.

If Clyde Ruled The World

2007-06-28T13:48:00.000-04:00

Clyde Carson f/ Sean Kingston "Doin' Dat" (Produced by J.R. Rotem)
[download or listen]
from Theatre Music (Coming Soon)

All-Over-Print Video

2007-06-28T13:46:00.000-04:00

M.I.A. "Boyz"
from KALA (Coming Soon)

Uh Oh...

2007-06-18T16:59:00.000-04:00

Ja Rule f/ Lil Wayne & Young Merc "Uh Oh"
DL or Listen
from The Mirror, coming Sept. 2007

MAMA GOT HER TUBES TIED, I'M ROCKIN' DOLO

2007-05-30T23:35:00.000-04:00

Lil Wayne "La La"
[listen or DL]
from The Carter III (2008)

Now this is what I'm talking about!

At the top of ’07, Weezy told XXL that this would be the first single from The Carter III, but he's now revealed that the album isn't coming until 2008. Read about it in our new issue:

BAY AREA RAP: NOT DEAD YET!

2007-05-30T21:57:00.000-04:00

Okay so I know a lot of people have been saying that things are looking kind of grim in terms of this generation of Bay rappers ever crossing over or getting nationwide recognition...and yeah, they might be right.

But anyway, this new Turf Talk is really one of the best albums of the year so far...I'd put it up with the Devin album for the best of ’07. And for the hyphy-phobic folks out there, THERE IS REAL RAPPING ON THIS ALBUM. I promise.

Por Ejemplo:

Turf Talk f/ Akromens "Intro" (Produced by Nick Fury)
[listen or DL]

Turf Talk f/ E-40 "Sick Wid' It Is The Crew" (Produced by Jake 1)
[listen or DL]

Turf Talk "Broke Niggas" (Produced by Droop-E)
[listen or DL]

Turf Talk "I'm Ghetto" (Produced by Rick Rock)
[listen or DL]

Turf Talk f/ E-40 "Popo's" (Produced by Droop-E)
[listen or DL]

All taken from Turf Talk's West Coast Vaccine, in stores June 5.

Tell a friend!

Freestyle-Pop Reigns Supreme!

2007-04-26T11:51:00.000-04:00

Tiffany Evans f/ Ciara "Promise Ring" (2007)
(Written by The Clutch & Produced by Mr. Collipark)

[download]

This shit is hard!

Bjork + Timbo = Koji Kondo

2007-04-21T18:40:00.000-04:00

Bjork "Innocence" (Co-Produced by Timbaland)

(download)
from Volta (2007)

I'll Be Gone For A While

2007-04-20T16:20:00.000-04:00

Happy holidays, folks.

Hallelujah...Holla Back.

2007-04-17T14:51:00.000-04:00

[click here if it won't load]

A Good New York Record!

2007-04-14T18:58:00.000-04:00

Busta f/ Papoose, Flipmode & Yummy Bingham "We Got The Streets" (2007)

(sorry, Labba's verse kinda skips.)

Okay, so this was obviously recorded last year, but still, this is some of the most ruggedest New York shit I've heard in a minute. Why the didn't they ever release this?

Ain't Nuthin' Changed But The Name On The Mail

2007-04-14T14:55:00.000-04:00

T.I. "Big Shit Poppin'" (Produced by Mannie Fresh)

(download)
from T.I. vs. T.I.P. (2007)

I had to make a post celebrating another amazing single from Tip. Next to Toomp and Tip, Mannie and Tip has to be one of the best combos. Frankly, the luke-warm reaction this one has been getting thus far is baffling to me. I remember a similar reaction to a few other songs—"U Don't Know Me" and "What You Know". They both had slow builds, and many people didn't apreciate them until the video broke, after which they went on to become the biggest songs of their respective years. Will "Poppin'" have a similar arc, or could this be the start of some inevitable Tip backlash?

Also, the second single with Wyclef is surprisingly dope in my opinion.

Too Many Rockstars, Not Enough Mics

2007-04-12T13:40:00.000-04:00

T-T-TOTALLY DUUUUUUDE!

Montana Da Mac feat. DJ Unk "Rock On" (2007)

Green City feat. Mannie Fresh "Party Like A Rock Star" (2007)

Da Shop Boyz "Rock Star (Lil Jon Remix)" (2007)

Flo Rida, Brisco, Dre & Gunplay "Rock Star (Remix)" (2007)

Still, nothing beats the original:
Da Shop Boyz "(Party Like A) Rock Star" (2007)

All this Rock Star mania makes me worry most for one person: Lil Jon. He claimed he was going to drop "Crunk Rock" last spring, and a full year later, its nowhere to be found. He's saying it won't be out until the end of the year now. The question is, with "Rock Star" already gripping Atlanta, will "Crunk Rock" come 6 months too late for anyone to care? It's an extra added blow that Lil Jon's own remix of "Rock Star" is probably the worst version. Perhaps its time to scrap the album and move onto something new? Or maybe this is all just warm up, and Lil Jon will bring (read:steal and make money off of) the "Rock Star" movement to the mainstream?

Tell Me This Isn't Gonna Be A Pop Smash

2007-04-11T14:48:00.000-04:00

Sean Kingston "Beautiful Girl" (Produced by Jonathan "JR" Rotem)

From his upcoming Belluga Heights/Epic debut

Man, that "Colors" song Sean Kingston did with The Game and Rick Ross was horrible, so I'm happy that he's at least managed to make a catchy-as-hell pop song by jacking Ben E. King's doo wop classic.

Hey, Hey, Hey!

2007-04-11T13:18:00.000-04:00

San Quinn "Do Ya Thizzle" (Produced by Traxxamillion) (download)

from From A Boy To A Man (Coming Soon)

That synth line is meeeeeeeean!

Roger Ebert: 40 Large

2007-04-06T16:34:00.000-04:00

thumbs up!

Battle Of The Bird Flu

2007-04-06T15:17:00.000-04:00

I can't call it...

Gucci Mane "Bird Flu" (download)

from Gucci's Untitled 2007 Atlantic Debut

M.I.A. "Bird Flu" (watch video)

from KALA (2007)

I never thought Gucci would release another song I liked, but I can't even front.

Now I Understand Why Baby Boy Da Prince Sold More Records Than Crime Mob

2007-04-06T03:14:00.000-04:00

Because his album is fuckin' hot!

Baby Boy Da Prince "Naw Mean" (Produced by Mannie Fresh)
from Across The Water (2007)

Baby Boy Da Prince "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (The Proposal Song)"
from Across The Water (2007)

Baby Boy Da Prince "Lock Me Down"
from Across The Water (2007)

Baby Boy Da Prince "Who Sheed"
from Across The Water (2007)

Baby Boy Da Prince "A Rose"
from Across The Water (2007)

Kells: 60% R&B, 40% Hip-Hop

2007-04-05T11:32:00.000-04:00

R. Kelly feat. Young Dro & Young Jeezy "Blow It Up"
(download)
from Double Up (2007)

ALL I WANTED WAS A PEPSI!

2007-03-27T13:35:00.000-04:00

Blestenation "Institutionalized"
from Fuck A Mixtape Vol. 4 DVD (2007)

Timberlake: Too Gangsta For TN

2007-03-22T01:21:00.000-04:00

The chasm between right and left gets deeper every day. Politics is a dangerous battlefield, and Nashville, TN is now on the front lines.

Democratic Tennessee Senator Ophelia Ford—a crazy old broad who, after her brother resigned for corruption, stole his seat in a rigged election, got ousted from her seat and then got elected again only months later—recently introduced an urgent resolution to the Senate to honor TN native Justin Timberlake for "his highly successful music career and for his meritorious service to the State of Tennessee."

Republican Senator Raymond Finney, who prefers to spend his time trying to get Creationism taught in schools, was quick to say something along the lines of, DENIED! WE WILL NOT BE PASSING ANY PRETEND, COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS LAWS THAT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT ON THE LIVES OF OUR CONSTITUENTS IN HONOR OF THAT DIRTY, POT-SMOKIN', GIRLY-VOICED PRETTY BOY! NOT ON MY WATCH! ON TO THE FAKE SCIENCE!

The Associated Press also reports that, "Republican senators took issue with calling attention to Timberlake's latest album, FutureSex/LoveSounds and to song titles like 'SexyBack' and 'Rock Your Body.'"

I think we've found the hot wedge (pause) issue in the 08 election.

The First Great Album of 2007

2007-03-15T18:31:00.000-04:00

Devin The Dude "Hope I Don't Get Sick A Dis" (2007)

Devin The Dude "Just Because" (2007)

FINALLY. Music has been tediously boring so far this year. The new Devin album leaked this week, but I didn't get a chance to listen to it until I took the day off from work today. As usual, Devin doesn't dissapoint (even at, what, 37 years old?).

There wasn't too much hype around the album, so I feared it might be a half-assed indie release. I was wrong. I think I like it better than To Tha X-Treme...its definitely up to par with Just Tryin' Ta Live. He's really perfected the perverted-yet-tender R&B stuff, and the more straight-ahead hip-hop shit on the album is some of his best to date. The amazing songs with Lil Wayne & Bun ("Lil Girl Gone") and Andre & Snoop ("What A Job") are worth the price of the trip alone.

Weird slow jams about smelling underage girls, a bluesy country song about not having anything to smoke his weed with, a testament to the cleanliness of his dick called "Broccoli & Cheese"...The Dude's still one of the most unique, underappreciated artists in popular music.

It's A Revival.

2007-02-05T17:05:00.000-05:00

R.I.P. James Brown

2006-12-25T23:01:00.000-05:00

1933-2006

16 and GOOD.

2006-12-25T01:39:00.000-05:00

Lil Mama "Lip Gloss" (unreleased)

This chick is only 16, but shes got a big voice. She's from both East New York and Harlem, and, from what I can tell, shorty seems to have some natural charisma. "Lip Gloss" has started getting a few spins on Hot 97, and about a week ago I heard from a reliable source that a certain New York producer is trying really hard to sign her to his Interscope-distributed label. Hmmm...

Bonus:
Lil Mama raps over Biggie's "The World Is Filled..."

To My Christian Friends

2006-12-25T00:01:00.000-05:00

I don't believe in this Jesus fellow, but I find your indoor trees charming.

Have a joyous Christmas!

Pitbull Makes A Great Video

2006-12-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

Pitbull "Ay Chico (Lengua Fuera)"
from El Mariel (2006)

If he had released this video in the summer, it might have really worked.

Def one of my top 10 videos of the year.

Is he better than Jay-Z? He's certainly making better videos.

Peedi Peedi, Mr. Crack If You're Nasty

2006-12-16T15:34:00.000-05:00

(download)
Peedi Crack feat. Megan Rochell "Take Me Home" (Produced by Rockwilder)
from Prince of The Roc (2007)

This is some crazy space age funky shit. Supposedly the first single from Peedi's debut album, due out first quarter 07. Its a great single, so it will be fun to see how Def Jam manages to fumble the entire project.

It's also funny that Megan Rochell is the one doing the ad-libs at the end (Uh!...Def Jam representas!).

Has Rocwilder made a hot beat since Jay's "Do It Again" in 1999? This kind of reminds me of "Do It Again," actually.

Where's Yummy Bingham?

Oh, And I'm Not Buying Your Fucking Yogurt Either.

2006-11-29T01:36:00.000-05:00

I fucks with the L Word and all, but your homegirl is really really getting on my nerves with the "sooooooo goood" Yoplait Yogurt commercials.

In the latest, she says: "it tastes like Zen wrapped in Karma dipped in Chocolate!"

Just for that, I'm buying Dannon.

A Note To Television Executives:

2006-11-29T00:45:00.000-05:00

A television show...is not an event.

The 2-hour Bones season premiere is not an event.

Paris and Nicole reuniting on E! is not an event.

Watching Meredith Grey talk about how "dark and twisty" she feels is not a fucking event, ever.

Getting murdered for no reason by 5 cops with 50 bullets the day of your wedding...is an event.

carry on

The Best Album Of The Year

2006-11-28T13:13:00.000-05:00

In stores today.
Cop it.
--

Jin Didn't Start The Fire

2006-11-27T14:41:00.000-05:00

Check the baby flicks, yo, i been on some crazy shit.

Jin "20 Something" (2006)

[download]

I had pretty much counted the little chinaman out, but I have to say, I really respect his tenacity...After "quitting" rap, dude still seems to drop like 3 new freestyles a week. This is definitely the nicest one I've heard, where he flips Jay's lame old man 2-step joint "30 Something" into a pretty dope nostalgia-fest for ’80s Babies, chock full of hilarious ’90s culture references ("Do you rember the time/When Michael Jackson was Black? Yo, I think I was 9.").

Everyone from Lorena Bobbit to the Fresh Prince gets a shout. Look for the part at around the 2:08 minute mark where he breaks down all the old school (can we say that yet?) urbanwear brands (Avirex, Helly Hanson and Cyber Tek, oh my!)

Young Hot Rod Gets The Gas Face

2006-11-22T11:32:00.000-05:00

Young Hot Rod "50's Advocate Freestyle" (2006)

Hot Rod is what a Von Dutch trucker hat would be like if it turned into a pre-pubescent 21-year-old, moved to Arizona, and spent its nights running up on broads in the Jack-In-The-Box parking lot.

I mean, come on. LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN' GUY!

Just when I think 50 is actually a smart dude, he puts the future of his label on a little swagger-jacking weasel-stash muthafucka who has about as much to rap about as K-Fed. Come to think of it, "The Black K-Fed" would be a pretty accurate moniker.

He's so on 50's rod that I bet he used to pick up girls by telling them he loves them like a fat kid loves cake. *insert 50 chuckle*

As if naming yourself "Young Hot Rod" wasn't phallic/homosexual enough, it turns out his government name is RODNEY TOOLE, and now his new nickname is MICK SWAGGER. I sense that he really wants to be a rapper, but I think his calling might be in the adult film industry.

Don't even get me started about that rapper starter kit video for "Be Easy" or the fact that he calls himself "The MySpace Whore".

One for the road:

The Return Of The Tweed Sherlock

2006-11-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

All the rage in Petersburg.

Frontin' On Fergie Is Like Frontin' On God

2006-11-16T13:02:00.000-05:00

"I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can't take that away from me, ’cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God."

-Stacy "Wegro, Please" Ferguson in the new VIBE.

The BET Hip-Hop Awards: 100% Stab Free

2006-11-16T00:12:00.000-05:00

Some random thoughts:

-Jeezy was great, but Luda also should have brought out T.I. to do "Welcome To Atlanta" at the beginning. Isn't it time to make up, kids?

-Katt Williams is surprisingly not funny. His speech at the beginning, essentially a laundry list of hip-hop pioneers, makes me want to change the channel. I remember that I am thankfully watching this is onDVR. Fast forward.

-Jeezy was on stage for 78% of the show.

-Lupe Fiasco looks like he wants to french kiss Styles in this cypher segment. These cypher interludes are painful to watch in general.

-Snoop without Kells could have been worse, but still makes me sad. WHY ARE YOU HIDING ROBERT?

-Jay-Z looks like he's late for a tee time. Seriously. Did he just check his watch?

-Why was there everyone here except ANYONE from Shady or G-Unit? It's not like Shady has an extremely important comeback album for their flagship artist intended to also introduce their entire new roster dropping in a few weeks or anything.

-Chamillionaire looks like he's going to cry while accepting this award. He's so earnest! I can't wait until the white people give him a grammy for best rap record (there's really no question that that's happening).

-The Game makes me uncomfortable, but especially uncomfortable when he's rapping in front of a large group of other famous rappers, 90% of whom are mentioned in his lyrics. Why must they keep cutting to said rapper's reaction after Game says their name in a lyric? Jay did not look amused when they cut to him after the "I don't have beef with Jay" line. On the other hand, I'm impressed that Game had enough restraint not to run into the audience and give Snoop a squinty-eyed bear hug.

-The most unexpectedly genuine moment of the night was when Flav, in between incoherent rants, thanked Jay for sampling his voice.

-The incessant album adverts EVERYWHERE are remarkably tacky, even for BET.

-Monica looks like she's going to stab Busta backstage for hitting on her.

-Busta is really really going for the 1986 dapper dan kay slay look tonight. His pants are TIGHT. And he's fat.

-I'm glad gold jewelry is finally cooler than platinum again.

-I like T.I.'s angry growl rap. "Top Back" Remix with Kuntry, BG and Dro was definitely the only performance worth seeing. The pre-performance skit with Tip in the dressing room makes me think a) Clifford has sort of lost his mind and b) T.I. vs. T.I.P. is going to be a great record.

-B.G. looks like he's made out of porcelain.

-No one at this show cares about Grandmaster Flash except Snoop Dogg. HOLY SHIT SNOOP DOGG IS THE MOST OLD SCHOOL MUFUCKA IN HERE.

-BET should be dragged out by the railroad tracks and shot for letting DJ Unk close the show WITHOUT Andre or Mr. Fat Sacks on "Walk It Out". Anti-climactic, that's the definition of it.

-This really was one big Atlanta fest. Where's Houston? Where's the Bay? Where's Memphis? Where's Detroit? Where's Chicago? Where's Philly? Where's anyone from Florida other than Rick Ross?

-That said, I respect BET for doing mainly Southern shit and not pandering to East Coast elitist ideas of hip-hop or a proper hip-hop awards show.

-Where's Suge?

-Are the producers of the BEEF series mad that no one got stabbed?

-I can't believe I sat through this entire show.

-I can't believe VH1 has a better hip-hop awards show than BET.

-Wasn't this entire "other" awards show just some elaborate plot to prevent Harry Belefonte from getting cornered into a conversation with Birdman in the men's room?

OJ Snitches On Himself

2006-11-15T12:14:00.000-05:00

The Juice must be really broke.

Keys Open Doors

2006-11-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

"Yughk—
Make your skin crawl
Press one button, let the wind fall
Who gon’ stop us?
Fuck the coppers
The mind of a kilo shopper
Seein’ my life through the windshields of choppers
I ain’t spent one rap dollar in three years, holla
Money’s the leash, drag a bitch by her dog collar
Now hoe follow
This is my ghetto story
Like Cham, Ice P is the Don Dada
Open the Frigidare, it’s 25-to-Life in here
So much white you might think your Holy Christ is near
Throw on your Louis V. Millionaires to kill the glare
Ice trays, nada, all you see is pigeons paired
The realest shit I ever wrote
Not Pac inspired
It’s crack pot inspired
My real niggas quote
Bitch never cook my coke (Why?)
Never trust a hoe with the child
At you make believe rappers I smile
Ha!
Canal streetin’ my style
Like you internet sharin’ my files
You My Space, niggas!
So kill the comparison
I’m South Beach sippin’ on Sarafin
A royalty check nigga I never been
Cook money clean through Merrill Lynch
Accountant just gasp at the smell of it (*gasp*)
Meet the dealer
Ain’t a bitch realer
So you ain’t gotta question why Pusha don’t feel ya
Now get the fuck off!"

-The Young Black Socrates

Good Lord, I Feel Like I'm Dyin'

2006-11-12T23:12:00.000-05:00

Jay-Z "Oh My God" (Produced by Just Blaze)

from Kingdom Come (2006)

Genya Raven "Whipping Post"

from Goldie Zelkowitz (1974)

R.I.P. Ed Bradley

2006-11-09T13:57:00.000-05:00

The only man fly enough to rock an earring on 60 Minutes.

E.B. hustled his way from the streets of Philly to become CBS' first black White House correspondent. He won 19 Emmys along the way, and was definitely the main reason I still watched 60 Minutes, even with Andy Rooney getting more atrocious every week. He was so intelligent, yet had an ease with his subjects that made it seem like a casual conversation.

[read yahoo's obituary here]

Amistad Style, Chains Hangin' Like Blaow

2006-11-08T00:33:00.000-05:00

Akon "Shake Down"

from Konvicted (2006)

Akon "Don't Matter"

from Konvicted (2006)

Akon "I Can't Wait"

from Konvicted (2006)

Akon "Get Away"

from Illegal Alien Vol. 1 mixtape (2005)

Akon "Senegal"

from Illegal Alien Vol. 1 mixtape (2005)

If there's one undervalued quality that I appreciate R&B singers for above all else, it's their overwhelming earnestness.

Rappers, on the other hand, tend to embody the exact opposite. It's about being cleverly evasive, keeping your poker face on. And certainly, under no circumstances, is being sucker for love acceptable.

Many how-can-I-be-down rhythm and/or blues singers have tried before, but Akon slips back and forth between these two conflicting personas without batting an eye.

It's a bizarre combination: one moment Kon's singing about sticking fools up and selling rocks to his neighbors, and the next he's aching slowly about his desire to live happily ever after with his one true love. He's done time, but I wouldn't really be suprised if I walked in on him lip syncing to Duran Duran while getting his toes painted by his little sister. He's just that real.

Skeptics should check out his Illegal Alien Vol. 1 mixtape, where he spins crime tales and greazy boasts over Dipset, T.I., Clipse and Peedi Crack. But "street cred" aside, Kon is an amazing songwriter. With his unabashed pop sensibility, production prowess and penchant for detailing strife, hood life and social injustice, he has the potential to be one of those artists that moves popular music.

I've heard people criticize him for singing through a voicebox. What the fuck is wrong with you people? VOICEBOXES ARE AMAZING.

Get with the program.

He even likes pizza!

What Duo, You Know

2006-11-07T11:39:00.000-05:00

Redrum, Redrum
Such power in the tongue
Never in your wildest
Was he talkin' to them
Style on niggas
Brought feeling to the numb
Japanese threads
Brought flavor to these bums
Consider me the savior
Look what the Lord gave ya
My celebrated presence
Like the return of Rayful
Frolic in the snow so playful
And revivin' the track
Like we flowin' through jumper cables
What duo
You know
Get XXL kudos
While coppin' off Julio?
Gyeah...Classic shit
You mastered this
Left for dead
I'm back
I'm Lazarus

[download the full "One Blood" remix]

Embryotic Cow People Plotting Human Extinction

2006-11-06T18:01:00.000-05:00

This just in:

London scientists have applied for permission to combine cow eggs with human DNA in order to have a hefty supply of stem cells to, you know, cure diseases that are wiping humans out.

While embryos will be 99,9% human and will only be allowed to develop for a maximum of two days, the "bioethics" gang has already freaked the fuck out, saying:

"In the history of humankind, animals and human species have been separated...In this kind of procedure, you are mixing at a very intimate level animal eggs and human chromosomes, and you may begin to undermine the whole distinction between humans and animals...If that happens, it might also undermine human dignity and human rights."

Hm. Perhaps these folks aren't familiar with the theory of evolution, the mythology of the Chimera, the popularity of beastiality on the internet or Michael J. Fox.

Personally, I welcome the arrival of these new bovine-sapiens (or "milk men").

I Must Be Lebron James If You Jordan

2006-11-02T15:59:00.000-05:00

Lil Wayne "Show Me What You Got (Remix)"

[download]

Rollerblading: Still Corny

2006-11-01T19:03:00.000-05:00

When I heard that Jimmy was sanctioning a skateboarding team called "Dipskate", I thought, Cool. If there's one thing white people love as much as the Diplomats, it's EXTREME sports, especially skating.

Now, I come to discover that "Dipskate" isn't a skate team. In fact, it has nothing to do with skateboarding at all.

It's a fucking ROLLERBLADING TEAM.

Perhaps this is a hold over from my snot-nosed pre-teen skater days, but rollerblading is meant for for hand-in-hand gay couples, off-season hockey players and the elderly.

To make matters worse, they're trying to market it as "Freestyle Rolling":

10 bucks says Jimmy doesn't even know the difference.

Pick It Up, Pick It Up, Pick It Up

2006-10-29T17:05:00.000-05:00

The Hottest Slept-On Album of 2006

Black Sheep "Grew Up" (2006)

Black Sheep "Be Careful" (2006)

Black Sheep "Shorty" (2006)

Black Sheep "B Boys Theme" (2006)

All taken from Black Sheep's 8WM/Novakane (2006)

Much like Masta Ace in 2004, Dres has unexpectedly reemerged out of obsolete early 90s rapper pergatory to create an album actually worth listening to. Soulful, funny, thoughtful—it has that classic Black Sheep flavor, but manages to avoid sounding out-of-touch and desperate like so many comeback attempts.

There's even an update on the classic gangsta rap parody "U Mean I Don't" from their first album. The new version takes on a more Dirty South sound:

Black Sheep "U Mean I'm Not (Pt. 2)" (2006)

I would post the album for download, but dres basically released this himself, and a lot of the sales seem to be through online mp3s. check out black sheep's myspace for more info. positive reinforcement, people.

Another One In A Million

2006-10-27T02:43:00.000-04:00

Ciara "Promise" (Produced by Polow Da Don)
from Ciara: The Evolution (2006)

shiiiiit, zone 4 has definitely done it again. dont get me wrong, this shit is clearly fake aaliyah, from the sweat suits and tube tops to the circa 1996 timbaland-buys-a-talkbox beat. nonetheless, its is a big fuck you to the 10 or so fake babygirls who are furiously hot-combing bangs over left eyeballs as we speak.

c-eraaaaaaaaa! her dance songs were great and everything, but any time she tried to get out of that electro party to go steez, she ended up sounding like shit. with the exception of dre & vidals fake houston record (which was, lets face it, awesome).

But this right here, this is grown woman shit. Makes me wonder if maybe ciara knows what shes doing afterall. her limited range and airy voice breathe easy all over the steamy throb, flickering maurice star keys and raspberry beret synth cries. definitely one of the best pop songs of the year.

diane martel also did a great job with this video. austere, sexy, stylish, ballsy (just like ciara ha)

ps: where is devante swing being held prisoner at?

Ya'll Know What This Is...

2006-10-22T19:16:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to do this for a minute, so in honor of President Dupri leaving his post, I figured now was as good a time as any*:

Uggh...Nice Watch Presents...
The Jermaine Dupri Collection

Side A! (DOWNLOAD)

1. Funkmaster Flex feat. Jermaine Dupri & Veronica Webb "Talkin' Shit"
2. Jermaine Dupri feat. Slim "White Tee (Remix)"
3. Mariah Carey feat. Bow Wow "All i Want For Christmas (So So Def Remix)"
4. Jermaine Dupri feat. UGK "Money, Hoes & Power"
5. Kris Kross feat. Supercat "Jump (Remix)"
6. Xscape "My Little Secret"
7. TLC "Creep (So So Def Remix)"
8. Da Brat "Funkdafied"
9. The Notorious B.I.G. "Big Poppa (So So Def Remix)"
10. The Isley Brothers "Forever Mackin'"
11. Lil' Kim "Not Tonight"
12. Immature "Tear It Up"
13. Da Bush Babees "Put It Down"
14. Alicia Keys "Girlfriend"
15. Mariah Carey feat. Jadakiss "I Miss You (So So Def Remix)"
16. Tamia "Stranger In My House (So So Def Remix)"
17. Usher "Burn"
18. Total feat. Keith Murray "Can't You See (So So Def Remix)"
19. Mariah Carey "We Belong Together"
20. Avant feat. Lil Wayne "You Know What"
21. Jagged Edge "I Gotta Be"
22. Ma$e feat. Jay-Z, Lil' Cease & 112 "Cheat On You"
23. Usher feat. Alicia Keys "My Boo"
24. Mariah Carey "Don't Forget About Us"
25. Kris Kross feat. Aaliyah, Da Brat & JD "Live & Die For Hip-Hop"
26. Aaliyah "I Gotcha Back"

Side B! (DOWNLOAD)
1. Jermaine Dupri "JD's Reply (Dr. Dre & Timbaland Diss)"
2. Da Bush Babees "Get On Down"
3. Mariah Carey feat. Da Brat & JD "Honey (So So Def Mix)"
4. Kris Kross feat. Redman "Tonight's The Night (Remix)"
5. Clipse feat. Jermaine Dupri "Let's Talk About it"
6. Usher feat. Shyne, Kanye & Twista "Confessions (So So Def Remix)"
7. Xscape "Just Kickin' It"
8. The Notorious B.I.G. feat. Da Brat "Da B Side"
9. Jay-Z feat. Jermaine Dupri "Money Ain't a Thang"
10. Mariah Carey "Shake It Off"
11. Jermaine Dupri feat. Nate Dogg "Ballin' Outta Control"
12. Monica "The First Night"
13. Letoya feat. Mike Jones & Rick Ross "Torn (So So Def Remix)"
14. TLC "Kick Your Game"
15. Nelly feat. JD, Paul Wall, Ali & Gip "Grillz"
16. Da Brat "Give It 2 U"
17. Wyclef Jean feat. Claudette Ortiz "Two Wrongs (So So Def Remix)"
18. Usher "You Make Me Wanna"
19. Mariah Carey feat. Bone Crusher "The One (So So Def Remix)"
20. Dem Franchise Boyz feat. JD, Da Brat & Bow Wow "I Think They Like Me (Remix)"
21. Master P feat. Jermaine Dupri "Da Da Ballers"
22. Kris Kross "Warm It Up"
23. Mariah Carey "Always Be My Baby"
24. Bow Wow feat. Omarion "Let Me Hold U Down"
25. Dru Hill feat. JD & Da Brat "In My Bed (So So Def Remix)"

You Can Get The Finger...The Middle!
(A Sidebar For The Haters):

Top 10 Wack-Ass Productions From The Don Chi-Chi:
1. Rakim "Guess Who's Back (So So Def Remix)"
2. Cappadonna feat. Da Brat "We Know" (Produced by Jermaine Dupri)
3. Whodini Six (the whole album)
4. Everything he did on MC Lyte's Bad As I Wanna B album
5. Jessica Simpson feat. Bow Wow "Irresistable (So So Def Remix)"
6. TLC feat. Craig Mack "Kick Your Game (Remix)"
7. Mariah Carey feat. Lord Tariq & Peter Gunz "My All (Remix)"
8. The Braxtons feat. Jay-Z "So Many Ways"
9. El Debarge "Slide"
10. Mariah Carey "You Had Your Chance"

* A note to the completist fucks (yes, you):
I wanted to include something from the Silk Tymes Leather album on the collection, but I didn't really feel like spending my weekend combing the used CD stores of NYC. Take a breath and watch these videos.

The Best New Rapper You're Not Listening To: Episode II

2006-10-06T22:02:00.000-04:00

We gettin' fucked by the damn Government
’Cause they the ones movin' all the hard white shit
And for the boys tryin' to get up out the dope game
Hurry up because they comin' though the door mane

Rich Boy feat. Polow Da Don "Throw Some D's" (2006)

Rich Boy feat. Attittude "We Alabama" (2005)

Rich Boy "Who Dat?" (Produced by Timbaland) (2005)

Rich Boy feat. Lloyd Banks "I Know U Heard This Before" (2005)

Rich Boy "D-Boyz" (Produced by Mannie Fresh) (2005)

He put out a great mixtape last year and a great new single this year and no one really seems to have noticed. Still, I'm not that worried about dude...He's on Polow Da Don's Interscope-distributed Zone 4 label. Polow is the former Jim Crow member who suddenly has some new found juice on Interscope after producing two major pop hits for the label, which should allow him to put out a college dropout d-boy from Mobile, Alabama.

DJ Drama & Rich Boy
Bring It To The Block: A Gangsta Grillz Extra (2005)
(NEW MONEY!)

Bow Down: The Future Of The West

2006-10-04T02:01:00.000-04:00

I spit facts in a ficticious manor
Gift of grammar
Destined to click them hammers

Ca$his "It'z Official" (Produced by Rikanatti)

from Bogish Boy Vol. 1 (2006)

Ca$his "Stories of a Real Nigga" (Produced by Rikanatti)

from Bogish Boy Vol. 1 (2006)

Ca$his "Reloaded (clip)"(Produced by Rikanatti)

from The Renegadez's Stars With Stripes (2005)

Ca$his "Serenade My Life" (Produced by Rikanatti)

Unreleased (2005)

Jayceon's cool and everything, but come on, this kid is the truth. You've heard him on Obie's "Cry Now (Remix)" and "You Don't Know", so I'm a little unsure why no one has noticed that this dude can rap his ass off yet. He reminds me of a young Kurupt. Aside from the voice and the super-lyrical flow, there are other similarities: he's a Cali transplant (from Chicago) and he was originally in a group (The Renegadez) with a producer/rapper (Rikanatti).

Ca$his Bogish Boy Vol. 1 (2006)
[COME AND GET MEEEEE!]

Remeber When Def Comedy Jam Used To Actually Be Funny?

2006-09-29T01:27:00.000-04:00

Def Jam Forms Secret BET Music Group

2006-09-26T22:47:00.000-04:00

Raping Def Jam Till He's The 100 Million Man

Twice within the last few months I've been watching Rap City and seen a few videos that were clearly out of place:

Troy Ave. "Rep It With My Heart/BK, BK" (2006) (video)
Kinfolk "In The South" (2006) (video)

BET is not exactly a friend to independent artists trying to get their videos played, yet here they were, completely unknown names with no radio play and videos attributed only to "Voicez Music Group".

Now, this obvious aroused my suspicions: How the hell can these videos get on regular rotation in the daytime? Did somebody show up at the Basement with a piñata full of coke?

Sidenote:
Do you know how many videos there are on Rap City?

Seven.

Yep. Only 7 videos get played on the only nationwide all-rap show left on TV. Think about all your favorite rappers who are bricking. I never seen their video...Why didn't it get played?

Anyway, I do a bit of research on these artists, only to find out that they are both supposedly now signed to Def Jam. In fact, Def Jam has signed a label deal with the "Voicez Music Group". Even if they do have a deal, this doesn't really answer the question of why these artists are on BET. They're not on Def Jam's release schedule, they aren't even mentioned on Def Jam's website! Didn't Def Jam just drop a Method Man album without even giving him a video?

Anyway, after some more "research" (yes, google), I come to find out that Voicez Music Group was started by former boxing promoter Butch Lewis, who also happens to have produced LL Cool J's shitty big screen debut. So, it's not like he's exactly proven himself in the entertainment business as of late. And these artists aren't the worst (I like Troy ave okay, but Kinfolk are some really bizarre pseudo-thug snap rappers from South Carolina) but they don't warrant precious airplay on BET.

Then it turns out that Butch Lewis' daughter, Sita Lewis, the new Senior VP of Voicez Music Group, also happens to be the senior producer for BET. She used to be the one who recruited groups to perform on fucking Teen Summit! In fact, Butch has executive produced numerous shows for BET himself. Obviously, not a coincidence.

Way to speed up the rate of consolidation! Indie artists take note: All you need to do to get video play is sign to BET Entertainment.

If I were Lyor, I'd one-up Def Jam: why not just give Philippe Dauman his own label? Just order up a couple icey Viacom chains from Jacob. Then not only could you get free airplay on BET, VH1, MTV and Nickelodeon (yep!), but he could probably work something out where Lupe Fiasco could be the soundtrack to the 10 o'clock news on all CBS affiliates. You could get Plies his own wacky teen comedy on Paramount Pictures!

Just something to think about.

Back To You, Billy

2006-09-26T02:45:00.000-04:00

To apologize for my absence, I've assembled an elite triumvirate of albums you don't particularly need:

Showbiz & A.G. feat. Dres "Bounce Ta This"

from Runaway Slave (Polygram, 1992)
[here!]

Yola Da Great "You Ain't"

from Really Really In The Streets (mixtape, 2006)
[here!]

415 "Snitches & Bitches"

from 41Fivin (Priority, 1990)
[here!]

The Only New York Rapper Who Matters

2006-09-19T15:25:00.000-04:00

These other MCs are just killing time.

Uncle Murda "Mind Full of Demons" (Produced by Green Lantern) (2006)

Okay, okay, so granted, Uncle Murda (why don't you call yourself "Murder" anymore? That "er" was G!) isn't the most traditionally "lyrical" of New York rappers, but I'll be damned if he isn't the only one worth listening to. The song above, for instance, is about the spirit of the first man Murda killed coming back and hauting him. While Murda tells the dead man he would do it again and feels no guilt, the only way he can get rid of the demon is to tell him he's going to find his kids (who Murda has yet to murder yet, for some strange reason) and kill them. This is some ol' Geto Boys shit!

In this age when all the good New York rappers are too old and all the young ones are just boring-ass losers with zero personality, Uncle Murda is the only rapper worth a damn in the entire city. He has something that none of these new fucks have. It's not street credibility, because other MCs have that. It's not lyrical dexterity, because Murda loves to stumble all over the track like a drunken uncle. I'll see if you can guess it from watching this (amazing!) video:

The Pope: Muslims Are All Evil

2006-09-17T19:32:00.000-04:00

Last week Pope Benedict XVI was speaking to a German University when he decided to drop this little jewel:

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

After he said this, people were so pissed off that churches in the West Bank got ethered and a nun got popped in Somalia.

Pope Benny's reaction was essentially, I'm sorry you feel that way, you evil bastards.

My question: is it a coincidence that he made these remarks in Germany? It's as if he was saying, You did such a great job taking care of that other little...problem. If looking the other way was good enough for Pope Pious, it's good enough for me. Go nuts!

I can't help but be reminded how the first Crusade began:

On 27 November 1095, Pope Urban II called together a council of bishops and clergy in Clermont in France. There, amid a crowd of thousands who had come to hear his words, he urged all those present to take up arms under the banner of the Cross and launch a holy war to recover Jerusalem and the east from the 'infidel' Muslims.

The Best New Rapper You're Not Listening To: Episode I

2006-09-17T02:54:00.000-04:00

I'm the truth like the muthafuckin' cigarette commercial, namtalk'nbout?

All Star "MF The Haters"

from Starlito's Way mixtape (2006)

All-Star "Fucked Up"

from Starlito's Way mixtape (2006)

All Star "Shinin' Star"

from Starlito's Way mixtape (2006)

Cash Money needs to put this guy on the fast track before they lose him, word to GDK. This kid is the future.

Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything:
All Star's Starlito's Way mixtape (CLICK HERE)

The Bone Collector

2006-09-16T13:19:00.000-04:00

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony "Just Vibe" (2006)
(download)

If this is the direction they're going in, I have high expectations for their Full Surface/Interscope album. This is that feel good shit.

What better way to recapure your old sound than sampling a funk song that you (and another of Eazy's protégés) already used a decade ago? Swizz is not an idiot (really doe).

Cameo "Why Have I Lost You?" (1980)

Above The Law "Ballin'" (1990)

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony "Blaze It" (1997)

Juvenile "Bounce Back" (2003)

They still need to make up with Bizzy though.

Respect SWV Or Get Your Brains Knocked Out

2006-09-13T08:43:00.000-04:00

SWV "Right Here (Funkyman Remix) (1993) (Produced by Lord Finesse)

Why is it that TLC is always credited as being the greatest female R&B group of the 90s, while SWV gets remembered as an anonymous, talentless one hit wonder?

Sure, maybe SWV didn't have an extremely annoying rapper in their group, but after TLC's first album, their musical relationship to hip-hop was tenuous, at best. While SWV was a more traditional R&B group, with Teddy Riley's post-New Jack Swing swagger and crytal clear slow jams, TLC's music quickly became a washed out, adult contemporary comprimise of R&B. This allowed TLC to stay at the top of the charts throughout the 90s, while SWV slowly floundered into obscurity. Aside from their regular producer Brian Morgan, SWV worked with some of the best producers of the decade: Timbaland, Puffy and The Neptunes all collaborated with the girls early in their careers. Oh, and we musn't forget the obvious: SWV can sang (at least Coko can), while T-Boz and Chili's frail-ass pipes can't even compete.

I guess another reason SWV gets written off is because they didn't quite have the charisma of T-Boz, Chili and Lefteye, nor were they as good-looking (Although I will say that I always had a soft spot for Taj, the "shy one"). I still prefer SWV because they always came off kind of like three nice church girls who somehow got conned into wearing leather daisy dukes and singing the devil's music. Regardless of who you prefer, Coko, Taj and Lelee had a gang of hits that still bang today. And now, the definitive collection:

Uggh..Nice Watch Presents
The SWV Collection

Side A: For The Jeeps (DOWNLOAD)

1. SWV feat. Wu-Tang Clan "Anything (Old Skool Remix)"
2. SWV feat. Pharrell Williams "Right Here (UK Back To Black Mix)"
3. SWV "Weak (Bam Jams Jeep Mix)"
4. SWV "You're the One"
5. SWV feat. Wreckx-N-Effect "I'm So Into You (Teddy Riley Remix)"
6. SWV feat. Missy Elliot & Timbaland "Can We"
7. SWV On & On (Produced by Eric Sermon)
8. SWV feat. Busta Rhymes "You're The One (Bad Boy Remix)"
9. SWV "Right Here (Funkyman Mix)" (Produced by Lord Finesse)
10. SWV "It's All About U"
11. SWV "I'm So Into You"
12. SWV feat. Redman "Lose My Cool"
13. Blackstreet feat. SWV & Craig Mack "Tonite's The Night (Remix)"
14. SWV "SWV (In the House)"
15. SWV feat. Lil' Cease "Love Like This"
16. SWV feat. Puff Daddy "Someone"
17. SWV feat. Trigger Tha Gambler, Smoothe Da Husther & The Lost Boys "You're The One (Allstar Remix)"
18. SWV feat. Michael Jackson "Right Here/Human Nature (Remix)"
19. [BONUS TRACK] SWV "It's All About U (Bounce Baby Bounce Mix)"
20. [BONUS TRACK] SWV feat. Jay-Z "You're The One (DJ Clark Kent Remix)"

Side B: Between The Sheets (DOWNLOAD)

1. SWV "Rain"
2. SWV "Downtown"
3. SWV "Use Your Heart" (Produced by the Neptunes)
4. SWV "When U Cry"
5. SWV "Understanding"
6. Blackstreet feat. SWV "Can't Get You Out of My Mind"
7. SWV "All Night Long"
8. SWV "Fine Time"
9. Blackstreet feat. SWV "Tonight's The Night" (Produced by The Neptunes)
10. SWV "Mystery"
11. SWV "Always On My Mind"
12. Quincy Jones feat. SWV, Babyface, Barry White & Portrait "Slow Jams"
13. SWV "Love Is So Amazing"
14. SWV "Weak"

I Got Some Words, I Got Some Words, I Got Some Words...

2006-09-11T00:17:00.000-04:00

Bootleggers bombin', bin laden I'm still crackin'
I will not lose
I simply refuse
I dropped the same day as the twin towers
I show power
Still I show compasion for others, send money and flowers
Devote hours
I live in the struggle
I'm addicted to the hustle
I'm conflicted because, dude
America, this land of mine
Is filled with prisoners with the same plans as mine
So I'm a walking contradiction
On one hand, I love my position
But easily I could have been in that prison
And no I'm not a Christian though I believe in God
But I don't believe in the Devil, my beliefs are odd
If we the people was given free will from God
How could he give you free will without giving you e-vil
We will
Hold it together, believe in the Roc
Long after you leave the spot
Long after my breathing stops
My spirit remains vibrant I will lead the flock
And that's the tip of the iceberg
You might hear Christ's words in my scriptures
But I only write it for my n*ggas

Raekwon: The Rap Hasselhoff

2006-09-10T05:38:00.000-04:00

Lex Diamonds is a Deutsche girl's best friend.

Joy Denalane feat. The Chef "Heaven or Hell"

from Born & Raised (2006) (link)

Fuck That Deaf Skettel Foxy

2006-09-08T02:16:00.000-04:00

Barrington Levy "Black Roses" (1985)

What's with rappers depending on 40+ year old Jamaican men for hit records? (Junior Reid is 41 and he's still singing, uggggggh) Not to mention the fact that Po used Barrington on BOTH of his first two singles.

Speaking of, how the fuck has Fox not remade "Fast Car" with the original Foxy Brown? (sorry, pam.) Or while she's at it, just jack a jack and get Tracy Chapman on the horn.

Bonus Barrington:
"Prison Oval Rock"
"Living Dangerously"
"Don't Throw It All Away"
"No Cocaine!"

Judgement Day Is Nigh

2006-09-06T18:58:00.000-04:00

It recently occurred to me that Def Jam released Method Man's new album without even giving him a video. Or really any promotional push whatsoever. What happened to the Lauryn Hill song? The Kwame club single?

As a result, his new album sold 62,000 copies. This is by far his worst debut week ever.

I assumed that the label had given up on Meth a while ago, but this basically confirmed it. Although, I wouldn't entirely blame the label, as Meth did an excellent job of sabotaging himself (not to mention making his third shitty album in a row). Def Jam released this album strictly so they can justify dropping him from the label in um....I'll give it six weeks.

Koch Records is an army, better yet a neeeeeevy.

Havin' A Roni

2006-09-05T02:24:00.000-04:00

This is even more embarassing than I expected.

Diddy: The Extinction Agenda

2006-09-04T21:42:00.000-04:00

P.D. a.k.a. News At Eleven (Ghostwritten by Pharoahe Monch) "The Future" (Produced by Havoc)

This is really bizarre. I know being open about your ghostwriters is the in thing to do nowadays, but good lord, I don't think it could be more obvious who wrote these bars. Couldn't he have toned down the flow just a liiiitle bit. This is kind of like getting Jada to write you a verse and then doing the ’Kiss Wheeze ("ah-heh!") at the end of every bar. Can't we at least pretend you wrote it?

It can only be so long until rappers start crediting the ghostwriters on their CD's back cover tracklisting.

Crikey!

2006-09-04T03:15:00.000-04:00

This morning the legendary Steve Irwin was filming an underwater documentary off the coast of Australia when he was killed by a stingray tail to the chest. Honestly, after years of tackling crocodiles in the outback, I'm surprised it took so long. Even though this wasn't crocs, sounds like he was still trying to make friends:

The stingray that killed Irwin was most likely provoked...For a sting to result in death the person involved had to be stung close to the heart and also have a reaction to the sting. 'For the most part people get stung on the foot when they accidentally tread on a ray and this can be no worse than a bacterial infection,' a marine life expert said. 'Their barbs are very strong and release poison if touched. It must have got him right near the heart.'[source]

How poetic. Ragardless, S.I. was straight G.

RIP Steve Irwin: Still prying open the jaw of the 3,500 lb. sheila in the sky

Mr. Biggs: That's My Money

2006-09-02T22:27:00.000-04:00

Isley Brothers feat. JS "Busted" (2003)

It seems Ronald Isley forgot to hold on to his receipt:

Isley Brothers lead singer Ronald Isley has been sentenced to three years and one month in prison for tax evasion...Isley was also ordered to pay $3.1 million in back taxes to the Internal Revenue Service, said Assistant U.S. Attorney Robert Conte.

Defense attorney Anthony Alexander argued during trial that "unfortunate circumstances," such as the deaths of two of Isley's accountants, made him unable to get records together and pay taxes during the years that led to the criminal charges.

During a hearing Friday, Alexander argued that the 65-year-old singer should receive probation instead of prison time because of complications from a stroke and a recent bout with kidney cancer. Isley is expected to be sent to a prison hospital facility.[source]

Somebody get Hype on the line because this whole saga sounds like it would make another great faux-mafia soap oprea of a music video. R Kelly could play the IRS agent. It would be like Catch Me If You Can with stepping.

PS: I'm late on this: Haley Joel Osment was arrested for DUI and weed possession!

Eldery Man Wanders Onto VMA Stage, Calls For Less "Colored" Music

2006-09-01T10:48:00.000-04:00

64-year-old rock star Lou Reed, who is still known to call Black people "colored", took to the VMA stage last night with Pink to make a desperate plea to MTV:

"You know Pink...I love you. And I love rock n roll. And I'd love it if MTV would play more rock n roll. Two guitars, bass drums."

This was an especially bizarre statement to make at last night's ceremony, which was overwhelmingly dominated by "rock n roll." In fact, every single major award was won by a rock group, including Video of the Year, Viewers Choice Award, Best New Artist, Best Pop Video, Best Rock Video and Best Group Video. The show didn't even have a DJ—the night's music was provided by Jack White's rock band The Racontuers, whom Reed performed with earlier. It was especially ironic given that he was standing next to Pink, a former record company puppet who decided that she didn't like R&B music anymore after her second album and now wallows in self-delusion, making terrible easy listening rock n roll. I would say that the majority of videos on MTV nowadays would fall under Reed's loose definition of "rock"—even pop artists like Kelly Clarkson and Ashlee Simpson have put the synthesizers on hold in favor of guitar and drum-based songs.

But I can hardly blame Lou Reed. Its clear that he hasn't actually been out of the crypt since 1999, when the only rock musicians on MTV were wearing backwards baseball caps and emulating that wacky "colored" music. Also, we must keep in mind that this is the same egomaniac who kicked Velvet Underground co-founder John Cale (the fellow who played all the violins, organs and non "rock n roll" instruments) out of the group in 1968.

I wonder, what is it about non-rock n roll that Reed finds so offensive? For someone who is often credited as one of the forefathers of experimental, avant-guarde music, his desire to see popular music repeat the same fomula it has been desperately clinging to for the last 40 years is baffling.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Reed's unlistenable "electronic" album, Metal Machine Music, was universally panned and almost destroyed his career in 1975. Remember that, Lou?

PS: check out XXLMAG.COM's run down of videos that MTV has banned. And no, none of them are "rock n roll"

Fashion Police Silence T-Shirt Terrorism

2006-08-30T18:05:00.000-04:00

An Iraqi man who was trying to board a plane in New York bound for LA was forced to remove his t-shirt, which bore the slogan "We Will Not Be Silent" in both Arabic and English. The man detailed the experience on his blog:

Inspector Harris said "people are feeling offended because of your t-shirt". He asked me if I had any other T-shirts to put on, and I told him that I had checked in all of my bags and I asked him "why do you want me to take off my t-shirt? Isn't it my constitutional right to express myself in this way?" The second man in a greenish suit interfered and said "people here in the US don't understand these things about constitutional rights". So I answered him "I live in the US, and I understand it is my right to wear this t-shirt".

[I said], 'I am ready to change it if you tell me why I should. Do you have an order against Arabic t-shirts? Is there such a law against Arabic script?" so inspector Harris answered "you can't wear a t-shirt with Arabic script and come to an airport. It is like wearing a t-shirt that reads "I am a robber" and going to a bank". Inspector Harris said: "We can't make sure that your t-shirt means "we will not be silent," we don't have a translator. Maybe it means something else". I said: "But as you can see, the statement is in both Arabic and English". He said "maybe it is not the same message". So based on the fact that Jet Blue doesn't have a translator, anything in Arabic is suspicious because maybe it'll mean something bad!

Realizing that I will miss my flight unless I covered the Arabic script on my t-shirt as I was told by the four agents, I asked the Jet Blue woman to buy me a t-shirt and I said "I don't want to miss my flight." She asked, "Should I get you an 'I heart new york' t-shirt?." So Mr. Harmon said "No, we shouldn't ask him to go from one extreme to another". I asked Mr. Harmon why does he assume I hate New York if I had some Arabic script on my t-shirt, but he didn't answer.

It seems like its only a matter of time until we're all required to fly in the nude. Which wouldn't be so bad, depending on who you're seated next to. They would also have to change the upholstery because the coach seats itch like a mug.

MAKE IT RAIN ON THEM HOES!

2006-08-30T02:58:00.000-04:00

Crack Man feat. Weezy F. (Stands For FEMA) Baby "Make It Rain" (Produced by the son of Larry)
from Me, Myself & I (2006)

I'm a well documented Storch hater, but I'll be the first to say it: I like this song. A lot. Call me when they start playing it at Scandals in Long Island City and I swear to you I will have a crispy stack of ones ready to go. Do one dollar bills count as "rain", or is that more like drizzle? Fog?

PS...why did Guerilla Black have to record a 20 minute, 400 Bar freestyle? I refuse to even provide a link to it on G.P. (Guerilla Principle)

You Can't Stop The Prophet!

2006-08-30T01:49:00.000-04:00

Infamous polygamist and alleged white pimp Warren Steed Jeffs (whom the decidedly swagger-free HBO show Big Love is based on) was recently captured in Vegas whipping a clean cherry red ’07 Escalade. The man known to his followers as "The Prophet" had about 50 Gs on him, along with a bunch of...wait for it...wigs.

"In June 2005, Warren Jeffs was charged with conspiracy to commit sexual conduct with a minor for arranging the marriage between a 16-year-old girl and a 28 year old man who was already married."

That's how they do pimpin' in the Red States: only after marriage. But Warren, or "Steed" as the ladies call him, doesn't just free the P for his friends. No, Steed keeps his stable at home tight too:

"Women's bedrooms in Jeffs's main house were decorated with wallpaper saying 'Keep Sweet No Matter What.' Their doors were marked with red, yellow or green tags, depending on whether they were ovulating."

Man, this dude is gonna have the prags clickin' like clockwork.

Hurricane Katrina With That Stanky Hoe Rita

2006-08-29T17:09:00.000-04:00

One year later: Check out XXLMAG.COM's tribute to Katrina tributes.

America: Gay For Saddam

2006-08-28T22:12:00.000-04:00

While speaking at a recent TV festival, the creators of South Park revealed what Saddam has been subjected to since being captured:

They also discussed their parody of former Iraqi president Saddam Hussein in their film Team America - "gay and with a Canadian accent", as they described it.

"We have some pretty good information from one of our friends-of-a-friend that some of the Marines who were in charge of Saddam showed him the movie," Mr Stone said.

"That makes us really happy."

That's right: Marines have been forcing Saddam to watch a cartoon depiction of himself having anal sex with Satan. Who needs torture when you can make your captor feel like a big ol' homo?

This is only the latest in a pattern of signs pointing towards America's secret homosexual crush on the former Iraqi dictator.

Exhibit A: The Glory Hole
When forces captured Saddam back in 2003, "He was in the bottom of a hole with no way to fight back," said Maj. Gen. Raymond Odierno. "He was caught like a rat." For weeks, 24 news coverage focused on the ins and outs of of his hiding place. America rejoices: no one retrieves hairy, sweaty men from dark holes like us, damnit.

Exhibit B: In Love With A Stripper
In Spring of 2005, Fox's Rupert Murdoch chose to print photos of Saddam in his whitey tighties on the cover of the New York Post and it's UK counterpart the Sun, including a charticle showing how his body matches up to other celebrities in their drawers. America takes it's copy to the can and locks the door.

Exhibit C: Queer Eye For The Sunni Guy
When Saddam appeared in court in late 2005, he suddenly got his swagger back with a dapper tailored suit with a pocket square, some spectacles and a new haircut. The Fab 5 also happened to be on a brief hiatus from their Bravo show. Coincidence?

Exhibit D: Butt Head
You can now wipe your ass with Saddam's face. ’Nuff Said.

Joey Crack Stocks Up The Arsenal

2006-08-28T14:03:00.000-04:00

I really wanted to like "the new" Fat Joe. He was rapping something serious on the Terror Squad album in 2004, so I thought his next solo album was going to be something. I put him on the cover of Mass Appeal, and then he had to go fuck it all up by dropping that shitty Nelly single and All or Nothing, an album that wound up being totally unremarkable when all was said and done.

That said, I'm willing to forgive and forget. I listened to his upcoming album Me, Myself & I a month or so ago and it was surprisingly good. Don't let the fake "Hustlin'" track put you off: He made a clear effort to avoid Nelly-esque pop singles, and it works.

Some highlights:

-"The Prophet": An amazing collaboration with Lil' Wayne.
-"Make It Rain On Em," a great strip club anthem where Joe says, "Why's everybody so mad at the South for?/Change your style up, switch to south paw."
-"You Better Think about It": Scott Storch gives him a dark, grimy NY type record.
-"Maria": A great storytelling song about his mother that samples Jackson 5.
-"Lord of War": This reggae-flavored possible first single features The Game on the hook and samples Bob Marley's classic "War". The NJ Devil-produced track will also feature one of the Marleys (does it really matter which one?) adding some color. The video is supposed to mirror Nick Cage's Lord of War movie, but will be set in Jamaica. Here is a clip of the hook:

[NOTE: If you are Mr. Cartegena, I did not record this clip. Please don't murder me.]

OutKast: Less Popular Than Kid 'N Play

2006-08-27T18:03:00.000-04:00

Idlewild (the movie) will debut at #9 this week after making $5.9 million at the box office during it's opening weekend (less money than House Party 2).

Idlewild's budget was $27 million. It seems unlikely that they will make that back. This is what many might consider a brick.

My advice to Dre and Big:

Update Idlewild to the present (prohibition wasn't fun the first time), send Dre off to college, have Daddy Fat Sacks lose all his money in some shady record company scheme, then have a pajama-jammy-jam to raise the money.

And obviously, Bubba will need to start growing out his locks for the part of Jamal.

It's About To Go Down

2006-08-27T11:42:00.000-04:00

You know where I'll be if you need me.